easy vs. natural

Sometimes we use the words "easy" and "natural" interchangeably: "That seems so easy for her" has much the same meaning as "It seems natural for her to be able to do that." Merriam-Webster defines "easy" as this: "causing or involving little difficulty or discomfort; requiring or indicating little thought, effort, or reflection; effortless." It defines natural as this: "having a specified character based on the basic constitution of a person, implanted by nature, seemingly inborn."

The definitions make sense in context of a task being easy to complete, or, in other words, natural for someone. But put in the context of my walk following Christ, these words are not synonymous. There is nothing about following Jesus that requires "little difficulty or discomfort." Jesus is frank about telling us that in this world we will have troubles. I never feel like I'm growing in faith when I am not disciplined in my thoughts, my effort, or my reflection. How can I be growing if I am not taking my thoughts captive to Christ, attempting to carve out a few minutes of my day for him, or meditating on Scripture? It's obvious that trying to follow Christ is not at all easy, much to my frustration. When I first became a believer, in many ways I assumed it would be. And maybe it was for the first couple months. But then it got hard--worth it, but definitely difficult.

Following Jesus is not easy, but it is natural.

We are made in the image of God. He formed each of us carefully and wonderfully with bits and pieces of his character within us. There are traits that aren't just "seemingly inborn," but in fact are actually inborn and cause us to desire God and be in relationship with him. We possess qualities and desires to follow God--or follow something--that aren't just happenstance or the easy thing to do. They are "implanted by nature," the nature of God.

So, although this may not be an epiphany for anyone else, it was for me. Though my walk with Christ will not ever be easy, it is natural. It's not something I have to force if I just remember that God created me to desire and worship him with my life. It is a natural thing. That's not to say I don't need discipline or effort, for the lack of those makes something easy. It means that, my character--the basic constitution of who I am--cries out for God. If I will only demolish the idea that this life, and following Jesus in it, should be easy, if only I will stop and be reminded of who God is and who I am, a relationship with Jesus might just come more naturally.

what it takes to be a mommy

Charlie, my brother-in-law: "Maddie, you're so cute. Don't ever grow up."

Maddie, my niece, who is 3 years old: "But Daddy, I have to grow up. 'Cause I've got to be a mommy!"

Maddie: "Neen-neen, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

Me: "A chef. Or an international traveler. What do you want to be?"

Maddie: "A mommy."

Maddie is the cutest 3-year-old on the planet (I have no biases). Besides pretending to nurse her baby dolls, she continually makes comments about being a mommy. I hope that, if it's God's plan for her, she will be a loving mommy some day.

Besides the genetic drives and maternal instincts that cause most women to want to be mothers, I know that Maddie's desire to parent comes from her own mommy, who does an absolutely incredible job raising Maddie and her little sister, Taylor. Here are the reasons why Kelly is such a fantastic mommy:

1. She is a working mom. Not only does she care for her little ones at home so well, she somehow manages to love each and every student at her school (and do all the paperwork and meetings and caseloads, etc. involved with her job).

2. Kelly disciplines with love. With her busy schedule, one might think she would turn around and snap at her daughters every now and then. Maybe she has (she is only human, after all), but I have yet to see her lose her temper with the girls. When they disobey, she firmly but quietly corrects them. When they whine, she stops them but gently explains the situation. She knows when they need firm instruction and when not to fight the battle because the whining will end on its own. This leads to...

3. She knows her daughters. She watches them. She listens to them. She spends quality time with them. She knows Maddie's fears and pushes her without making her feel more "scawed." She differentiates between Taylor's "I am being disobedient" mischievous smile and her "I am just being goofy" mischievous smile.

4. Kelly prays for her children. She and Charlie both try to authentically live out their faith, and it makes a difference, even at the girls' young ages. They read Bible stories and devotions to Maddie and get her to try to think from a Biblical standpoint--something to be said about that at the age of three.

5. Kelly makes sure that others are involved in her daughters' lives. I am so grateful that she makes an effort to Skype with me, to tell the girls about me when I'm in Bolivia, and to show pictures of me to Maddie and Taylor so they know their auntie despite the distance. I know she does this with other long-distance friends and family too. This, in combination with being intentional about time with nearby friends, teaches the girls the lifelong importance of community.

6. She is selfless. Kelly puts the needs of others, especially her husband and her children, above her own.

7. There are probably a billion more, but I have to stop and be reminded that the reason why Maddie looks up to her, the reason why she is such a good mommy, is not because of her. It's because of Christ in her. Though she would tell you she is still learning how to let Christ live through her and what that means in everyday life (a lesson I'm sure all the rest of us have obtained...right), there is no doubt that the love, patience, gentleness, self-control and selflessness she has as a mom are gifts from God. He is honored that she uses her gifts in being a mother to bring glory to the Father.

If I ever am a mommy some day, I will certainly take out these notes from observing my superhero sister.

It's obvious that Maddie has already sweetly written these lessons on her little heart.

home

i'll admit it. i'm a gleek. for those of you not down with the lingo, that means a "glee" geek. i can't help it. i'm absolutely hooked on this ridiculously cheesy, unrealistic high school sitcom. so recently i was re-watching the "home" episode (all of the spotlighted characters unpredictably discover or deal with the same theme or issue during an episode). kristin chenoweth sings a beautiful verson of "home," and the beginning lyrics go like this: "when i think of home, i think of a place where there's love overflowing..." i thought this entirely appropriate as i just spent 2.5 weeks in my nc homes and then speedily returned to my bolivian home. so, when i think of home, i think of the places where people give love overflowing:

mom and dad, i'm so thankful that you took great effort (even more than you originally thought) to come visit me in la paz. i'm grateful that you have experienced my home here. i am also thankful to be able to go "home" to greenville, at the house, in our neighborhood and at church.

kelly and charlie, even though i didn't live with you very long, i have always felt at home with you and your sweet family in greensboro. thanks for getting the beach place and making it a wonderful home for the week.

to my community in glenwood, i think it will always feel a little like home when i visit.

to nannie and granddaddy, you always open up your house to so many with such generous hospitality. thank you for sharing your heart with me each time i enter your home.

to my friends across my north carolina/united states home, thank you for letting your love overflow to me. i always feel at home with you.

to my "family" and friends in my bolivian home, thank you for welcoming me with that same kind of love. i am grateful to be able to call la paz my home now.

even though it is at times unsettling to not be, well, settled, i am honored to have so many places that i lovingly call home. i guess the saying's true: home IS where the heart is.

one is silver and the other gold...and i'm slag

I have spent the past few days alone in my apartment in La Paz and have been forced to reflect on life (hence the reason why I have not blogged in 6 months...reflection is hard, time-consuming, and something I wrongly but often avoid). So, if there are people out there who still check my blog, I don't want to spew out every event, lesson and emotion of the past few months. Being as I have had a lot of alone time, this post is more a self-reflection anyway--a verbal/typed processing, as it were, on how the Lord has blessed me with great friends here in La Paz and what God is teaching me through them. So many missionaries get burned out because of lack of community. I am beyond grateful for the people whom I have shared life with the past year or two:

My roommates have been amazing, and, sad as it is that Sarah is gone for vacation and Ashlyn will not be returning, distance makes the heart grow fonder and I have had nothing but joy thinking about memories from the past two years. I smile as I reflect on all the laughs during "Mamma Mia" and "Friends," all of the crazy dances we choreographed, various events at our apartment, road trips in the Beast (Sarah's car) and late-night talks that usually involved me falling asleep. Though we have also had our challenges, I am incredibly thankful for these women who inspire me to be more like Christ and challenge me to live life to the fullest. I cannot imagine life in apartment 403 without Ashlyn next year, but I am excited for the new adventure she is beginning in the States. Sarah and I will have another adjustment with two new roommates for next school year. I am so thankful that Sarah has been a constant friend and confidant since the start of our contract two years ago. Scott, a good friend that is always available to help with a servant's attitude, will be gone for the first semester. It will be incredibly hard not having him around to save Sarah and me from crises, but I'll also dearly miss his laid-back, fun, intelligent quirkiness. To my old friends, goodbye for now. I miss you. You have impacted my life for the better in so many ways.

As for my new friends, those whom I have gotten to travel and spend time with this year, and those whom I still don't know very well, I pray the same for them as with old ones. I want to inspire them and be inspired to be more like Christ, to learn how to love God and to love them in an authentic, vulnerable manner. This is difficult for me--opening up to folks has never been my strong suit--but I am learning that, as introverted as I can be, closing myself off is not fulfilling, nor is it God-glorifying. My hope is to develop quality relationships with new people, not for the sake of having a lot of friends, or out of fear of a couple old friends getting to know me "too" intimately, but to experience all that God has for me here. I want to be available to be a blessing to others and allow them to bless me.

I realize this is not easy for me for a couple reasons. I know that I have a fear of failure and rejection, and both of these come into play in old and new relationships. {Lord, help me cast aside my fear, remembering that your perfect love drives it out.} I also know that to be real and honest with others, I have to do the same with myself. {Lord, strip away all the masks and layers I add to my identity that are not true, that aren't pieces of who I really am in you.}

As I continue on this difficult, I-think-I've-arrived-but-nope!-still-have-a-long-way-to-go journey of the Lord refining me, he reminds me how much I need others for this process. Isn't it better to ask God to "fix" me without bothering or burdening others? I can ask, but our God doesn't work that way. I know the joy of sharing life with others involves some risk--allowing them to see my "junk" along with the good stuff. It's not unlike what God wants from me in my relationship with him. {Lord, help me trust you and others as I let go of anything that isn't what you made me to be and let others help me in the discovery of my true identity in you.}

To all my old and new friends, thank you for being an absolutely vital part of my journey. I hope I can return the favor.

the gift of christmas

Today some Highlands teachers and I went with a group of Samaritan's Purse folks here in La Paz to hang out with the river kids, share the Gospel with them and deliver shoeboxes to them. It was an incredible way to end the semester with these beautiful children. To be able to see the looks on their faces in a way you can only imagine as you send them from the States was incredible. As it always is, I think I was more blessed and touched than the kids probably were. What a beautiful reminder of God's grace, and of how much we need each other. I daresay some of those kids needed the joy and excitement that those boxes provided, and of course the love with which they were given. I certainly needed to be reminded of God's provision and care for the least of these as well as for myself. At the end of our time, a teenage girl we know was crying. I thought she may have been touched by the team's presentation or the gifts she received. No doubt she was, but she was also very upset. My friend Ashlyn figured out, after a few attempts of listening to her tearful, broken Spanish phrases, that her mom left her and her brothers and sisters. Their dad is still there, but it's not likely he does much to help with the children at all. Please pray for Wara, Pamela, Abdi, Nadalina, Carolina, Yamil and Cristian, that their mom would come back and that the father would step up and take initiative in leading and providing for his family. There being no Social Services department in Bolivia, my roommates and I are not sure what steps to take either. We'd appreciate prayers for wisdom in helping them. Thank you. Although our hearts are heavy for this family, today was a beautiful reminder of hope. Even though the darkness seems overwhelming because of the unfair, unjust circumstances life brings, the Light of the world is more than able to meet our every need and conquer every dark corner. This is the hope of Christmas, and I am so thankful that God is showing me that more clearly this year than ever. O Come, O come, Emmanuel.

let freedom ring

A while ago I posted questions and thoughts concerning freedom in Christ verses the law. Although the Lord is still teaching me a plenty, I have decided upon my current theology based on Romans 8. And although my ideas may change slightly based on wisdom I will hopefully gain, I will always cling to the hope that it is for freedom that Christ has set us free (Gal. 5:1). This is no excuse to sin, of course, but it is an excuse to live by the Spirit, free from the law that I cannot fulfill on my own. That is why Christ came, to be the sin offering for me, so that the barriers are now broken a friendship with God is possible. I will continue to look to Old Testament laws as good moral guidelines, but I know that the Lord calls me to more than just following the rules. He calls me to a life led by the Spirit, a life that is dead to sin and former ways and is alive...fully alive in the confidence and hope of Jesus. He doesn't want me any other way.

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life has set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemend sin in sinful man in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit...those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires...the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace...But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness...For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the spirit of sonship (or daughtership). {from Romans 8:1-14}

HIS staff

Here we are, the staff of Highlands International School. Almost half of the group is new, but God is allowing us to mesh and work together as his body, with all our quirks and differences and gifts. Although the heartache of missing last year's teachers will never be fully gone, I am so thankful for each of these guys and the opportunity to serve alongside them.

Here are some highlights with my fellow staffers from the past month or so.

Dodgeball champions! Haha...not quite. Even the middle school teams beat us--twice. We may look tough, but our dodgeball skills were anything but. However, it was a great way to raise money for a local organization. (L to R: me, Sarah--roomie, Ashlyn--roomie, and 2 guys who actually aren't staffers but friends who were willing to join our team)

Murder mystery dinner, hosted by the English-speaking church to raise money for local charities. We all were assigned characters and had to dress and act the part for the evening. Whatdya know? I, Silky M. Adam (back, center), was the culprit!

Wacky Tacky Tuesday for staff. Yes, just the staff and no students. This was to get the kids hyped up about our Spring Carnival (I got to be in charge of the pony rides...so much fun!). My favorite costume was one of my roommate's. I call her "SpongeSarah Wackypants." (You can probably figure out which one she is). Coincidentally, this was the day a visitor flew in from the NICS home office. He sure got a surprise!

Thank you for your prayers for unity, energy and the overflow of Christ's love in each of our lives!