one is silver and the other gold...and i'm slag

I have spent the past few days alone in my apartment in La Paz and have been forced to reflect on life (hence the reason why I have not blogged in 6 months...reflection is hard, time-consuming, and something I wrongly but often avoid). So, if there are people out there who still check my blog, I don't want to spew out every event, lesson and emotion of the past few months. Being as I have had a lot of alone time, this post is more a self-reflection anyway--a verbal/typed processing, as it were, on how the Lord has blessed me with great friends here in La Paz and what God is teaching me through them. So many missionaries get burned out because of lack of community. I am beyond grateful for the people whom I have shared life with the past year or two:

My roommates have been amazing, and, sad as it is that Sarah is gone for vacation and Ashlyn will not be returning, distance makes the heart grow fonder and I have had nothing but joy thinking about memories from the past two years. I smile as I reflect on all the laughs during "Mamma Mia" and "Friends," all of the crazy dances we choreographed, various events at our apartment, road trips in the Beast (Sarah's car) and late-night talks that usually involved me falling asleep. Though we have also had our challenges, I am incredibly thankful for these women who inspire me to be more like Christ and challenge me to live life to the fullest. I cannot imagine life in apartment 403 without Ashlyn next year, but I am excited for the new adventure she is beginning in the States. Sarah and I will have another adjustment with two new roommates for next school year. I am so thankful that Sarah has been a constant friend and confidant since the start of our contract two years ago. Scott, a good friend that is always available to help with a servant's attitude, will be gone for the first semester. It will be incredibly hard not having him around to save Sarah and me from crises, but I'll also dearly miss his laid-back, fun, intelligent quirkiness. To my old friends, goodbye for now. I miss you. You have impacted my life for the better in so many ways.

As for my new friends, those whom I have gotten to travel and spend time with this year, and those whom I still don't know very well, I pray the same for them as with old ones. I want to inspire them and be inspired to be more like Christ, to learn how to love God and to love them in an authentic, vulnerable manner. This is difficult for me--opening up to folks has never been my strong suit--but I am learning that, as introverted as I can be, closing myself off is not fulfilling, nor is it God-glorifying. My hope is to develop quality relationships with new people, not for the sake of having a lot of friends, or out of fear of a couple old friends getting to know me "too" intimately, but to experience all that God has for me here. I want to be available to be a blessing to others and allow them to bless me.

I realize this is not easy for me for a couple reasons. I know that I have a fear of failure and rejection, and both of these come into play in old and new relationships. {Lord, help me cast aside my fear, remembering that your perfect love drives it out.} I also know that to be real and honest with others, I have to do the same with myself. {Lord, strip away all the masks and layers I add to my identity that are not true, that aren't pieces of who I really am in you.}

As I continue on this difficult, I-think-I've-arrived-but-nope!-still-have-a-long-way-to-go journey of the Lord refining me, he reminds me how much I need others for this process. Isn't it better to ask God to "fix" me without bothering or burdening others? I can ask, but our God doesn't work that way. I know the joy of sharing life with others involves some risk--allowing them to see my "junk" along with the good stuff. It's not unlike what God wants from me in my relationship with him. {Lord, help me trust you and others as I let go of anything that isn't what you made me to be and let others help me in the discovery of my true identity in you.}

To all my old and new friends, thank you for being an absolutely vital part of my journey. I hope I can return the favor.

the gift of christmas

Today some Highlands teachers and I went with a group of Samaritan's Purse folks here in La Paz to hang out with the river kids, share the Gospel with them and deliver shoeboxes to them. It was an incredible way to end the semester with these beautiful children. To be able to see the looks on their faces in a way you can only imagine as you send them from the States was incredible. As it always is, I think I was more blessed and touched than the kids probably were. What a beautiful reminder of God's grace, and of how much we need each other. I daresay some of those kids needed the joy and excitement that those boxes provided, and of course the love with which they were given. I certainly needed to be reminded of God's provision and care for the least of these as well as for myself. At the end of our time, a teenage girl we know was crying. I thought she may have been touched by the team's presentation or the gifts she received. No doubt she was, but she was also very upset. My friend Ashlyn figured out, after a few attempts of listening to her tearful, broken Spanish phrases, that her mom left her and her brothers and sisters. Their dad is still there, but it's not likely he does much to help with the children at all. Please pray for Wara, Pamela, Abdi, Nadalina, Carolina, Yamil and Cristian, that their mom would come back and that the father would step up and take initiative in leading and providing for his family. There being no Social Services department in Bolivia, my roommates and I are not sure what steps to take either. We'd appreciate prayers for wisdom in helping them. Thank you. Although our hearts are heavy for this family, today was a beautiful reminder of hope. Even though the darkness seems overwhelming because of the unfair, unjust circumstances life brings, the Light of the world is more than able to meet our every need and conquer every dark corner. This is the hope of Christmas, and I am so thankful that God is showing me that more clearly this year than ever. O Come, O come, Emmanuel.

let freedom ring

A while ago I posted questions and thoughts concerning freedom in Christ verses the law. Although the Lord is still teaching me a plenty, I have decided upon my current theology based on Romans 8. And although my ideas may change slightly based on wisdom I will hopefully gain, I will always cling to the hope that it is for freedom that Christ has set us free (Gal. 5:1). This is no excuse to sin, of course, but it is an excuse to live by the Spirit, free from the law that I cannot fulfill on my own. That is why Christ came, to be the sin offering for me, so that the barriers are now broken a friendship with God is possible. I will continue to look to Old Testament laws as good moral guidelines, but I know that the Lord calls me to more than just following the rules. He calls me to a life led by the Spirit, a life that is dead to sin and former ways and is alive...fully alive in the confidence and hope of Jesus. He doesn't want me any other way.

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life has set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemend sin in sinful man in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit...those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires...the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace...But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness...For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the spirit of sonship (or daughtership). {from Romans 8:1-14}

HIS staff

Here we are, the staff of Highlands International School. Almost half of the group is new, but God is allowing us to mesh and work together as his body, with all our quirks and differences and gifts. Although the heartache of missing last year's teachers will never be fully gone, I am so thankful for each of these guys and the opportunity to serve alongside them.

Here are some highlights with my fellow staffers from the past month or so.

Dodgeball champions! Haha...not quite. Even the middle school teams beat us--twice. We may look tough, but our dodgeball skills were anything but. However, it was a great way to raise money for a local organization. (L to R: me, Sarah--roomie, Ashlyn--roomie, and 2 guys who actually aren't staffers but friends who were willing to join our team)

Murder mystery dinner, hosted by the English-speaking church to raise money for local charities. We all were assigned characters and had to dress and act the part for the evening. Whatdya know? I, Silky M. Adam (back, center), was the culprit!

Wacky Tacky Tuesday for staff. Yes, just the staff and no students. This was to get the kids hyped up about our Spring Carnival (I got to be in charge of the pony rides...so much fun!). My favorite costume was one of my roommate's. I call her "SpongeSarah Wackypants." (You can probably figure out which one she is). Coincidentally, this was the day a visitor flew in from the NICS home office. He sure got a surprise!

Thank you for your prayers for unity, energy and the overflow of Christ's love in each of our lives!

romans 7

I have been battling through the idea of the law recently, and so I looked in Romans to get some clarity. Now I think I'm more confused than before (which is not always a bad thing; I know I'll struggle through it until I find a satisfying conclusion). So I started reading chapter 7, and came up with so many questions: What exactly does Paul mean when he talks about sin "seizing an opportunity through the commandment" yet "the law is holy, and the commandment is holy and righteous and good"? And isn't it possible to serve God both with the mind and body, rather than, as Paul states, "I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin"? Does the law refer to the Old Testament law or to legalism? Or both? And if Jesus is the fulfillment not the abolishment of the law, then what does that mean for me in regards to being free from the law?
There aren't any deep thoughts to obtain from this post. However, I'd appreciate yours. If you have insight, commentary, or Scriptural cross-references for Romans 7, I'd love to know...please comment!

the source of freedom and love

This year marks 200 years of independence for the country of Bolivia. (There was a big celebration while I was in the States. I'm glad to have been absent during that craziness!) But as so many are trapped in poverty, prostituion is still legal and the sweet families at the river are being threatened that the government will tear down their homes, I don't believe that this freedom celebration can be for all Bolivians. So many are still in bondage to the vicious cycle of poverty, which often includes alcoholism and physical and sexual abuse.

As I'm reading the book of Hosea, I've been reflecting on my own life and convicted of my own wandering, "prone to leave the God I love." As vulgar as it sounds, I ultimately prostitute myself to other gods--busyness, identity in others, self-absorption, apathy--when I don't allow Christ to be my Husband and Lord over every part of my life. I also find this true for the beautiful country of Bolivia. She seems so confused as to who God is, so lost as to where she can find hope, that instead she pursues other lovers--money, power, alchohol, drugs, and false religion, rather than the love and freedom her Maker so willingly offers.

My prayer is that Bolivia as a nation, and that I in all my waywardness, will hear the Lord speaking tenderly above all the louder, alluring voices, and will answer to him and call him Husband. Only then can we experience true freedom in the safety and love of Christ.
"And I will have mercy on No Mercy, and I will say to Not My People, 'You are my people'; and [s]he shall say, 'You are my God.' " ~Hosea 2:23

my new class

Here they are, my new sweet class of first graders (minus one)! They have been such a joy to teach and get to know these past 3 weeks. Some of my favorite highlights so far:

"Miss (pronounced "Meese"), I can have other pieza of tort?" ~Diego (pieza = piece and torta = cake: I love how they create their own cognates!)

And again, Diego, when asked why he was getting out of his seat, and he showed me the string to his glasses: "Meese, it is molesting me." (molestar = to bother)

"Meese, I love you so, so, so, so, so mooch!" ~Priscila (I wonder if I could ever teach upper grades where the kids aren't so openly affectionate.)

There will surely be more funny first grade quotes to come. I love 'em already; they're just so darn cute!