the humility of need

A dear friend recently reminded me of an important Scriptural phrase: "You have not because you ask not."
As a child, this was fairly easy to accept. Even though I wouldn't consider myself a greedy child, I rarely remembered having a problem asking for what I needed or wanted. When, then, does the idea of complete self-sufficiency and pride creep up and into our adolescent and adult lives? I've been struggling with this, especially the past couple days when "missionary funds" have been particularly low. Although I am fully aware of my need to act wisely with my money and that as an adult, I should break away from my parents financially, it is slightly more difficult with the field I have chosen, especially during the summer months. It's also quite a task to still be in need of financial support from others--and even to accept gifts from my ever-supportive family.
I don't like this feeling of being in need. It's uncomforable. Embarrassing. Shameful, even. It is at this place of total brokenness, though, where I can more vividly see the grace of God and the outpouring of that into my life by others.
I have been brought to my knees by the generous giving of so many, and just recently a good friend and my family, who have been so understanding of it all. Yet, what a humbling place to be in to have to ask! Why can't I just skip that step and "have?" I think "humbling" has a lot to do with it. How much more do I realize my lack of sufficiency and my real need of the Lord! And how clearly I can see God's care for me when I am at this point of need and he uses people to provide!
That monetary need is only a physical representation of the prayers I desperately need and covet. I am so thankful to everyone who has given to me, and ultimately to the ministry in Bolivia, financially, prayerfully or otherwise. I'm grateful that I can see the body of Christ working to pray for, care for, and give to others, whether that's to missionaries, their own families, churches, organizations or to a homeless person on the street.
I am grateful for the sting of humility that comes to rid me of pride. I am thankful for opportunities to see how God miraculously provides, even if it's an everyday miracle I wasn't anticipating. Upon reflecting on all I can learn from this, I suppose it's not so peculiar that Jesus referred to money so much during his ministry.
To paraphrase my friend again, "It's not our money anyway. It's God's; he's just loaning it to us." I think she deserves a penny for her thoughts.

FALLing into memories

in the spirit of halloween costumes, i found this one on my mom's dresser this morning. yep, that pudgy-pumpkin-blondie in the middle is me. i think i was excited about being between my two boy friends. they must have been quite mature for their age--one already had facial hair and the other white eyebrows. ah, i miss the days when those relationships weren't complicated. and when halloween costumes were decent and appropriate. sigh.

3...2...1...blastoff to kooky costumes

here it is, folks. the coveted photo my sister blogged about a few months ago. from left to right: kelly and jenny, modeling the popular and not-so-popular halloween costumes of the day, "cowgirl" and "space." it wasn't supposed to be scary, but i may have frightened a few little kids with this one. seriously, kel, how could you let me get away with this? ;)

parting is such sweet sorrow

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of get-togethers, adventures, and goodbye sobbing. Most of the staff of Highlands International School is leaving, and for one of the few times in my life, I'm the one staying rather than going. It's a difficult time for all of us, and I'm sure the transitioning in August will not be an easy one either. However, as we Highlands staffers have said many a-time, it's better that it is harder to leave because that means the friendships we have established mean something. They are based on Christ. They are enriched by the vast amount of time we spend together as friends--no, as family. These relationships may not continue with visits and phone calls, but they will endure in the way we live our lives; we have been changed for the better by each other. Praise God for the amazing people he has called to La Paz and the ways they have shaped my life these past 10 months. To my brothers and sisters: The LORD bless and keep you; the LORD make his face shine upon and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward and give you peace. Thank you for all the sweet times, friends!

Here's a recap of the past month:

Highland's Got Talent! We did our own version of the reality tv show, including kids' and teachers' dances (my roomies and I performed "Thriller"), magic tricks, music and skits. My favorite was a story-telling of Sunk: An Adventure in the Salar. My lovely friends created a book and did a reinactment of my quicksand incident. Hilarious.

We celebrated a friend's birthday at the German club bowling alley (I'm pretty sure it's the only one in La Paz). Good friends, good times. I love you and I'll miss you, Whit!A dear friend and fellow teacher has been teaching me how to play the guitar. Our debut was at a community group meeting when he dedicated the song to his wife. Thanks, Fisher. Can't wait to play our coffeehouse gig in NC someday.

We picnicked and hiked up to La Muela del Diablo (the Devil's Molar). I didn't quite make it to the top since the few rocks I climbed and slipped on were scary enough.My friends the Bellinghams had a party for their sweet little angel, Mya, who turned just turned 1! It was a joy to have her here in lieu of not being able to be with my niece. I love you, Jules, James and Maya! Blessings to you in New Zealand!

For my birthday the next day, an incredible teacher friend named Deborah (she knits, rock climbs, bakes and bikes--how much cooler can you get?) took my friends and me rock climbing. This was the real deal. I made it, so I had to kiss the carabiner.Just to prove how high it was (though it seemed a lot higher in real life), here I am on my way to the top.

And last but not least, this month I said goodbye to my dear first graders. As my first class, they brought me so much joy. Although this summer I need to do a lot of reflecting about my teaching practices and lesson plans that could use improving, I also don't want to forget to rejoice in what I learned from my kiddos this year, and hopefully what they learned from me. Praise God that through the way they see the Gospel lived out at school, they have the ability to accept it for themselves and thus make God's name famous in La Paz and all over the world! Dr. Seuss couldn't have said it better: "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."

a special birthday girl

I don't quite understand the bond my sister and I have as there is a six-year difference between us. The only explanations I can come up with are that she was and is incredibly patient and intentional with her little sister, and that our relationship is nothing less than a gift from God. Ever since I can remember, I have wanted to do everything my big sis did out of sheer awe of her. Though we have changed, we still love a lot of the same things, are weird about the same things, and say things simaltaneously (jinx!). Our lives have taken slightly different turns, especially this past year with me moving a continent away, but I know our depth of friendship will never change. For this I am forever grateful.

These are just a few of the reasons why I love her. Kelly is one of the most sacrificial people I know--to her family, her friends, her students, and her dance girls. She is the best listener and advice-giver of anyone on the planet; she listens without condemnation, and gives advice from the wisdom that God gives her. Kelly's gift of giving--her creativity, artistic ability, and thoughtfulness--make any present she selflessly gives all the more heartfelt. She loves others not only with gifts, but with her words of affirmation (mostly well-written cards that make you cry no matter how many times you read them), and with her gift of time. Reminiscing and missing frequent qualitiy times with Kelly makes me appreciate her all the more. Who would've ever thought a 13-year-old would take the time to really invest in her 7-year-old sister? Or that a 20-year-old college student would intentionally write letters of encouragement to her preteen sibling? Or that a wife, mother, and full-time counselor would take so much time to counsel her younger sister when she's being melodramatic? Kelly is a rare gem. I know God doesn't have favorites, but he gave her something extra special, and I think anyone who knows her would agree.

So for the 30 years that you have been a bright light to Mom and Dad and the whole family, for the 24 you have poured into me, for the 7 that you have devoted to Charlie, for the 2 you've selflessly given to Maddie, and for all the years you have served, loved, taught, listened and inspired all those you have known, thank you. I celebrate you and thank God for you, Kel. I love you with all my heart! Happy birthday, from me and 10 sweet first graders.

bolivia day

Just another special thing about my school. Every year we have Bolivia Day, a day of traditional dance, games and food from the different departments (states) of the country. I was a cholita antigua from La Paz. With a couple minor changes, this is still what many women here wear...not exactly the most flattering or comfy, mind you.

Everyone dresses up, including the little ones! I wish my video of them would upload because they danced the Jal'ka, a traditional baile from Sucre. They were absolutely adorable. The teachers actually danced, too, but unfortunately I don't have footage from that.

What an honor and joy to be part of such an incredible community and living in such a beautiful country!

luciana

Meet Luciana, one of the most loveable first graders on the planet. She is a bright girl, though she can often be found daydreaming in her own little world. She says the cutest things every day. I wish I had time to write them all down. There were a couple instances this week, though, that are unforgettable.
We were brainstorming words as a class that start with "wh" and one we came up with was "which." Somehow, in one of her unfocused states, she thought we were thinking of rhyming words with those words. So, she starts saying rhyming words with "which," and of course, in total innocence comes across the one that begins with "b" and says, "Miss, is b**** a word? B**** is a word, right, Miss?" It took everything in me not to burst out with laughter. I just reminded her of the exercise and we moved on.

The following morning, Luciana was praying for a classmate's prayer request:

"Dear God, Thank you for to help othered again Joaquin's uncle for he going to have a baby. Amen." Precious, right?

Dear God, Thank you for Luciana. Please help her to realize that all good things, including her sweet spirit, come from you.