the humility of need

A dear friend recently reminded me of an important Scriptural phrase: "You have not because you ask not."
As a child, this was fairly easy to accept. Even though I wouldn't consider myself a greedy child, I rarely remembered having a problem asking for what I needed or wanted. When, then, does the idea of complete self-sufficiency and pride creep up and into our adolescent and adult lives? I've been struggling with this, especially the past couple days when "missionary funds" have been particularly low. Although I am fully aware of my need to act wisely with my money and that as an adult, I should break away from my parents financially, it is slightly more difficult with the field I have chosen, especially during the summer months. It's also quite a task to still be in need of financial support from others--and even to accept gifts from my ever-supportive family.
I don't like this feeling of being in need. It's uncomforable. Embarrassing. Shameful, even. It is at this place of total brokenness, though, where I can more vividly see the grace of God and the outpouring of that into my life by others.
I have been brought to my knees by the generous giving of so many, and just recently a good friend and my family, who have been so understanding of it all. Yet, what a humbling place to be in to have to ask! Why can't I just skip that step and "have?" I think "humbling" has a lot to do with it. How much more do I realize my lack of sufficiency and my real need of the Lord! And how clearly I can see God's care for me when I am at this point of need and he uses people to provide!
That monetary need is only a physical representation of the prayers I desperately need and covet. I am so thankful to everyone who has given to me, and ultimately to the ministry in Bolivia, financially, prayerfully or otherwise. I'm grateful that I can see the body of Christ working to pray for, care for, and give to others, whether that's to missionaries, their own families, churches, organizations or to a homeless person on the street.
I am grateful for the sting of humility that comes to rid me of pride. I am thankful for opportunities to see how God miraculously provides, even if it's an everyday miracle I wasn't anticipating. Upon reflecting on all I can learn from this, I suppose it's not so peculiar that Jesus referred to money so much during his ministry.
To paraphrase my friend again, "It's not our money anyway. It's God's; he's just loaning it to us." I think she deserves a penny for her thoughts.

FALLing into memories

in the spirit of halloween costumes, i found this one on my mom's dresser this morning. yep, that pudgy-pumpkin-blondie in the middle is me. i think i was excited about being between my two boy friends. they must have been quite mature for their age--one already had facial hair and the other white eyebrows. ah, i miss the days when those relationships weren't complicated. and when halloween costumes were decent and appropriate. sigh.

3...2...1...blastoff to kooky costumes

here it is, folks. the coveted photo my sister blogged about a few months ago. from left to right: kelly and jenny, modeling the popular and not-so-popular halloween costumes of the day, "cowgirl" and "space." it wasn't supposed to be scary, but i may have frightened a few little kids with this one. seriously, kel, how could you let me get away with this? ;)